I live a good life, so what is missing?

I really do...I have the things I want and need, I do pretty much what I want and when I want to, so why do I still feel like something is missing?

When you have nothing and need everything, you always feel like you have something you need or want...and that isn't a great feeling, but when you occasionally get something you want rather than need, it feels great and you treasure it with your whole self. It could be something just for you, it is unlikely to be something frivolous but none the less you didn't need it and it makes you feel good to have it, no matter how small. You know your family have the things they need and some of the things they want, but this is for you and a bit of selfishness creeps in and this thing is yours. When you are older and you have more and can afford more, these things lose their value, no longer are they a momentary treat for you to pay back all you put in, no longer do you have to weigh up the impact and no longer do they mean as much, if anything at all.

Your teletext holiday to Majorca which was allocation on arrival and in the worst hotel in town, with a ridiculously small daily budget for you, your wife and your first born, meant so much more and gave you so much more joy than your third holiday this year to Mauritius, with private tours and all the trimmings. It doesn't mean you didn't enjoy some of that, but somehow the lack of struggle somehow makes it mean less.

You should be enjoying the freedom right? But no you are longing for the 'making ends meet' holiday, where every penny counted and you felt a sense of achievement, despite having to compromise.

The £50 watch means more than the expensive watches, why? Simply because that £50 meant a lot more to you, it feels more you and you really deserved it! It just feels right on my arm and that is hard to understand, as the expensive watches are the ones I always lusted after.

So what is missing...weirdly for me the thing I miss most is the struggle and the constant stress of trying to provide for my family, that having to find money, the working two jobs to provide some nicer things for us...it all gave me a role and a purpose that I don't really have now. I miss that struggle and the feeling the small wins gave me...