Recovery...

As I get older everything seems to take longer to recover from, literally everything!

When I was young I would never go to bed on an argument, even if that meant apologising for things I hadn't done or didn't think were my fault, just so the next day wasn't affected and the argument didn't live on. Every day started new...I lived by that!

So what changed?

I honestly don't know, but now I refuse to apologise for things I didn't do and as a result arguments and the silence can last days or even weeks, which is awful. Despite it being awful and impacting me, I can't get back to where it was...so recovery takes an age.

A night out drinking takes several days to recover from now too, where I used to just get up and be ready to go again.

Now the following day is spent recovering from the handover, then the day after that is recovering from tiredness and that can even lead into another day...so those day time raves and the recovery from them can take half a week!

The same is true for any fitness/exercise too...at certain points in my life I have run twice a day, now I get out of breath running a bath!

Actually that isn't entirely true, but exercise is getting harder...harder to push myself out the door in the first place, harder to do the distance or run at a decent pace. I used to consider myself a runner and get offended if someone asked 'are you going for a jog?' now I would consider myself more of a jogger. During the first lockdown I was running at some of my fastest times, but that has gone downhill quickly the weight has piled on a bit making it that much harder. I would run on my own with music on, but now I rely on someone else wanting to exercise with me, my wife or a colleague... ...and of course then there is the recovery, like everything else above, it take a lot longer to get over any exercise than it ever did before, which means I just do less, so it becomes a viscous circle!

...and then finally set-backs in life, no matter how small and inconsequential not only impact me massively, but also have such a devastating impact on my life and those around me and I just take weeks to get over them.

My wife calls it catastrophising and I guess it is and I have no idea why I take everything to heart so much, nor how to 'get a grip' and stop it.

It is very tiring being so angry/upset/sad over small things that really shouldn't impact me so much!